For those of you with kids in the 4th through 8th grades, don’t forget about preteen night at the building from 7-9m tonight (January 9th).
Next week I’ll be blogging (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) in pursuit of a working definition for joy. I find it’s helpful for me to get a picture of what I’m really going after in my life so that I won’t miss it if it shows up! I want to have a grasp on what joy really means to me. My definition may evolve along my journey, but I at least I’ll have an idea where I started from!
This week we’ve been looking at our beliefs and preconcieved ideas about joy. Rick Warren said that he used to see life as a series of mountains and valleys – the mountain peaks involved experiences of joy and triumph while the valleys provided struggle and challenge. But as he matured he began to see life as a vehicle on a set of tracks – on one side the wheels are on the joy track while the other side is on the struggle track - both at the same time.
His perspective made a positive difference for me. I used to try to label my experiences as either joyful or troubled – good or bad in my own judgement. (That’s one thing I really got out of reading The Shack last fall - how much my personal judgements about what is good and what is bad have gotten in the way of my own appreciation of life!) I have really noticed that the more willing I am to give up – or even hold on loosely to my personal story and judgements about a situation, the more open I am to the blessings around me - even if the situation’s “not my favorite.”
You may have heard me or Ed use that expression before. We got it from Connie (Ed’s sister). One day when she went into the boy’s (CJ and Caleb) room she saw that they had written “the Laker’s suck” on their screen saver. Tisk, tisk, tisk. What’s a mother to do? Never fear, she calmly and quietly made a few alterations so that when the boys came home from school their screen saver read “the Lakers are not my favorite.”
I’m telling you, sometimes the circumstances that I find myself in are “not my favorite!” And even when I’m having a good experience I find that I am hesistant to put it fully in the joy category – there’s always something going on that keeps me from being 100% pleased with any situation. It’s almost as if on some level I have told myself that joy is the experience of being completely without trouble or discomfort - rendering any earthly experience unable to measure up!
One of my new favorite verses that I’ve heard Ed quote a lot is John 16:33 (NIV). In it Jesus tells his followers, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” I use this verse a lot to remind myself that trouble is not unfair or uncommon. Trouble is just part of the package of living in this world. So that’s what I tell myself now (in a firm but gentle voice) when I start to feel like “this is unfair. Life is too hard. Why am I having trouble when I am such a good, mature, altruistic person?” (Yeah, my thoughts are not always rational – especially about myself!)
What about you? Are you willing to accept that life will always involve some measure of trouble if it opens you up to experiencing more joy? There is good and bad all around us – all the time. That’s why focus works – there’s always trouble and joy in any given situation and we get to choose what we talk about, look at and grab onto. Which do you think will make life more of a party?
Going deeper – I have found so much power in forgiveness! For someone with my unrealistic expectations I find that I have the opportunity to forgive daily. I get to forgive life for being difficult and failing to follow my plans. I get to forgive the people around me for being human (Ed had a teacher once tell him that he was “the most human person he’d ever met.” You try living with “Buddy the Elf” – it gets old some days – depending on my mood or moodiness) and myself for being so human and expecting perfection in others and in life.
What situations and people could you forgive to make room for more joy in your life? Make a list, say a prayer or confess your unhelpful expectations to someone who can encourage you! You may find you travel much lighter on this journey of joy without the load!
I’d like to say that forgiveness is one thing that has always helped me through life. I’ve forgiven plenty of people who have hurt me. I mean, honestly, grudges take too much work and drain too much energy. i don’t have time to worry about who did what to me who knows when. I mean, sure, forgeting is a whole different story, but I think just saying “I forgive you/it/me” makes it that much easier. Especially if it’s written down or said outloud.